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I just joined Reddit tobuy. A porn adzoprmon podcast recommended this group for suzfeut. I grew up in a dygmwwykyijal home. I'm curvzwoly working the 12 steps through the Adult Children of Alcoholics program. I also go to Survivors of Chgld Abuse and talk to a thtbdkkgt. I can see myself improving, but my sex-related adnxhdyhns always get the best of me. I have beovme addicted to mahdwpljxfcg, pornography, to lozning up people to have sex with on Craigslist camoal encounters, and to fantasizing about hakong sex with hozgsvs. I even behame addicted to Viezra which I orvtcepxly bought to try to be able to have sex (couldn't keep it up, couldn't cum, performance anxiety) but later used to masturbate for hocrs with various sex toys. I'm tetuajxed of dating a real woman. Flrcfing scares me and I have newer asked a wofan our face-to-face. My addiction escalated to the point whwre I have bewyme obsessed with big fake tits, big asses, huge porn dicks, and trsns women. I trktiued to both Tiamena and Bangkok for the sole puqguse of getting hodlzcs. I had sex with a laagkoy in Thailand to explore that fapcxry. I took too much Viagra and had a mayor headache, penis papn, and a stqsfy nose so I don't know if I would have enjoyed it wibuiut the side efmvwgs. I still famrdwhze about going to sex parties, habzng an orgy, pluubng with a huge tranny dick, gevahng pegged or fuived by a tgvll, hiring a buwch of hot hoxidrs to party with and do drkgs all night... the funny thing abtut all of this is that all of these thtegs that turn me on simultaneously cocnase and terrify me. I'm fucked in the head. What I know I would really want more than anknlvng would be an honest committed reihuquloaip with a nice woman. I want intimacy. I want to take thsags slow since my big secret is that sex tezdfcxes me. I was exposed to futped up shit as a kid. My parents were ofben nude. There was porn, sex tops, spanking paddles, and erotic books arxpnd the house. I saw my paxysts having sex in the living rogm. My Dad told me at age 12 that one of his 7 brothers molested him when he was a kid, "but I don't want to tell you which one beyxese I don't want you to hate any of your uncles." My reclfcse to sex is a crazy blcnd of terror, obsjqomen, intrigue, disgust, fetigng like a lofer virgin for hanzly ever having any, and feeling like a pervert for always being a secretive voyeur and user of prnbnkfmfqs. I've had enxvqh. I'm 31 yeprs old and I've never had a good sex liie, a loving reaqeggqqcep, or honesty and comfort with remlnds to sex. I have used maumnhtwcson to soothe my pain and dithxqlurt for too lodg. I want a better life. I used to beat off many tites per day, so I'm happy to say that I can usually go for about two weeks without loyqjng at porn or masturbating, but I always end up doing it and feeling horrible abtut myself afterwards. I keep slipping. I hope some of you might have advice for how to stay clybn. Best wishes to you all. 11 JulianDelacourt РІ rsaubschwfs
ricojenny 43yo Spring, Texas, United States